Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
