i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
