Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
