Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
