Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i jhust puked up my retainher.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
