i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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