What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize