waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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