hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
