What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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