My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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