you traded sex for a burrito?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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