Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
