Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
