At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
