i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
