go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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