even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
me + whiskey = a bad person
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
