Pants 0. Shit 1.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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