my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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