I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
