It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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