i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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