the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
