Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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