she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Found your dick twin last night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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