Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize