you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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