Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
