Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
soo... how was my night?
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