Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
