Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
