remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
