I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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