I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
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