u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
