Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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