No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
