I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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