piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize