My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
