If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
