Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
