Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm at about main and main street
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
