what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
