I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
