her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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