I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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