I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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