I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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