I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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