the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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