I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i need some magic done to my vagina
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
