Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
