I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
