be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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