Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
