You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
