I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
