We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
