I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
