How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
