dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
