i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
