There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
