he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
