yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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