So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
