I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
