Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
