Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
