On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
