i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize