I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
