I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
