just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
