New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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