i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
