So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
