YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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