remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When are your genitals available?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
