U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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