She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
