he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
jump out the window naked night went bad
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